Archive for frustrations

5 reasons you don’t need an iPhone and what to buy instead.

As many of you in the world know, Apple recently debuted their most recent installment in the iPhone saga, the ‘iPhone 4s.’ Proclaimed to be the best and most exciting yet, it features “sexy Siri,” the bot that answers all your questions with the touch of a button and the easy use of your vocal chords–like a real person without the hassle of trite pleasantries!  I suppose the graphics are better, and even the price is better (for Apple)!  On top of that it comes with all the same features as a planner, a computer, and phone, a Gameboy, an iPod (or any other thing that plays music), a dictionary, an encyclopedia, a friend (albeit a cold one), and annoying child.  With all of these amazing features, who WOULDN’T want one?

The answer?  Me.  However, my husband is trying desperately to convince me that he needs one beyond all reason.However, on a newlywed’s budget, I am trying to convince him (and perhaps the rest of the world) that they are silly and we don’t really  need one.  I am very content with my flip phone, iPod touch (Christmas gift from my parents a few years ago–I just wanted a regular iPod; you know, with the circle thing?), paper-and-pencil planner, and looking things up in books and on the internet MANUALLY.  So, the following are five reasons you DON’T need an iPhone, plus five things you can get instead.

Reason #1: You already have a phone that fulfills its phone-like duties: making and taking phone calls.  It even has voice mail!  And as an added bonus, it can take pictures, AND send texts AND video!  Why do you need something else that does the same thing?

Reason #2: We already spend our hours whiling away our time on the internet with our laptops in wi-fi zones, why do we want to waste MORE of our time on the internet with a phone that can connect ANYWHERE?

Reason #3: Have you seen the price tag?  HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE TAG??

Reason #4: It will be obsolete in a while.  As I was looking up the iPhone 4s, I was seeing rumors flyinig around Google about the iPhone 5, which probably promises to be even more… Excessive.

Reason #5: Someday, the novelty WILL wear off, and when it does, you’ll only be left with the taste of regret that you didn’t wait until something better came along, like the following:

FIVE THINGS YOU CAN BUY INSTEAD:

#1: Food.  This is number one because I’m getting tired of wandering around after I come home from class, wishing we had some decent snack food or something to ease that grumbling in my stomach.  You can only eat so much tuna, so many egg salad sandwiches, so many 95-cent pot pies, so many (very) basic chicken recipes, and so much hamburger helper before you feel the need for something more, something… Substantial.

#2: Pants.  I say this because J.D. and I seem to have a shortage of them.  He keeps ripping holes in his (which I will eventually repair–maybe I’ll repair all the holes in his jeans for Christmas, if he wants to spend our money on an iPhone so bad), and I have to do my student teaching next semester, and something tells me that low-rise skinny jeans are not appropriate.  But who doesn’t want more pants?  Nobody wants to go around smelling like butt when they only have one or two pairs of jeans to wear.

#3: A house.  Someday.  That $300 for an iPhone could be saved, and eventually get anyone out of the renting cycle and into a home of their very own.

#4: Friends.  As in, throw a party.  Make some mac n’ cheese and invite everyone over for some hard-core face-to-face interaction (something that would likely not be happening if one were too busy building a relationship with a fake woman named Siri– See video below).

#5: Here, I have three options: For the price of an 8 gig, $200, you could get a fainting goat:http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=18418782&cat=&lpid=&search=

For the price of the 32 gig, $300, you could get one male purebred Corgie puppy!  OHMYGOSHCUTE!!!!  http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=18009816&cat=&lpid=&search=

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=18011641&cat=&lpid=&search=

And, for the price of the 64 gig, you could get you could get a used couch, loveseat, AND chair!  Because who doesn’t love lounging around on furniture?  Especially when the furniture you currently own smells like butt and consists of one used recliner and an old loveseat.

There you have it.  iPhones were obsolete before they were made: we already have screaming children, friends, planners, the internet, mp3-players, phones, cameras, and books.  We even have plenty of things to touch, thank you very much.

I’m sticking to my flip phone.

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Awkward acting

So, this evening, I attended a production of The Mikado put on by my university’s music department. I was actually supposed to be IN the show but declined due to the realization that it would bring me little to no joy throughout the process and in fact would NOT give me friends. Anyway, that’s beside the point. What IS the point is that I HATE “actor voices.” And what I hate even more is a decent character with a BAD British accent that ranges from about five areas of the UK and other nearby areas, including Utahn, especially when NOBODY ELSE is using a fake British accent. I mean, come on… Just because you can say a FEW words with a fake accent around friends does NOT mean you can do it on stage. Especially if you’re from Utah. Also JUST because you got to see and talk to The King’s Singers a few days previous doesn’t mean you’re well-versed in the nuances of the language– and yes, I do categorize it as a different language. Sometimes I just can’t understand anything they’re saying, partially because it’s just so much nicer to listen to than the “happy valley” accent.

Anyway, that’s it for this two in the morning rant. 😀

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Planning a wedding

So, guess what, internet… I’m planning a wedding.  For myself.  Because I’m engaged.  I figured you should know.  So I think I’ll share some of my thoughts on planning a wedding, specifically in Utah.

I recently printed out a checklist of all the things I have to do before I get married.  It’s a long list, but we’ve been working on cutting out things we don’t need.  Like a wedding coordinator.  Why would we need someone to tell us what we want for our wedding (which will be in a free venue, mind you–a huge perk to LDS-dom–in a beautiful, pre-decorated castle), and what we want our decor to be in our also-free reception venues (two receptions, one south, one north Utah).  In this day of the internet, where I can find all the ideas I need (and some I don’t need) for this stuff, what would be the point to pay someone to look on the internet for me?

Another thing I’ve crossed off because we don’t need it?  Bridesmaids.  For an LDS wedding, there’s not a huge procession where all the women involved have to wear matching dresses.  In all reality, I don’t see a point in having bridesmaids except to pose for a few pictures wearing dresses that are only flattering on 50% of the girls (unless you were part of the “popular” crowd, where all of the girls you would ask to be your bridesmaids were carbon copies of each other.  This is probably what my insane roommate’s wedding will look like, however.  I believe she is also engaged.  Although, I haven’t had occasion to ask, or even talk to her.  But that’s beside the point.  In fact, I don’t even know if I’ll find a maid of honor.  I’ll probably just have my mother help me out.  I can’t imagine asking one of my few female friends to do it–I’m not necessarily close enough with any of them to ask anyway.  I can’t imagine any of them WANTING that kind of responsibility on my behalf.  It just seems very silly when I have a mother and myself who are both very capable of taking care of ourselves and this occasion…  Although, this may mean I will likely have the tamest-ever bridal shower, filled with gifts like nice hand soap from Bath & Body Works or a gift card to Maidenform or Target.  Perhaps a nice bath rug or framed picture.  Which is cool, too.  That’s how I roll.

Let’s see, what else… Ah. Reception entertainment.  Now, we haven’t necessarily nixed this concept altogether.  I’m actually throwing around the idea of hosting an drum circle for the So-tah (southern Utah) reception, inviting all of J.D.’s percussion friends and letting them have at it with their djembes. Which I probably didn’t spell right.  Other than that, there will be plenty of children running around to keep everyone entertained.  I think we’ll have a table for them, though, with coloring books and games so they’re not SO all-over-the-place.  Haven’t decided if we’ll do much dancing.  I can’t say I’m really INto the whole Utah dance thing… I still have memories of those awkward middle school “dances” (which I ended up calling “stands” because that’s really all it was–standing, perhaps swaying, and doing a lot of perspiring) and remain jaded.  Oh, and church dances.  Those were relatively similar.  I was never really into the whole standing and swaying thing.  I just ended up talking a lot and being three times my awkward self.  I don’t think I ever talked so much in my life than I did when I was swaying awkwardly in tandem with a young man who was far more adept at keeping his mouth shut than I was.

Probably why I went to prom with my 11-year-old brother…  But hey.  J.D. loves me for it. 🙂

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Lips

As you may well know, I am an avid stalkbooker. If you do not know what that means, see the series of letters I wrote titled “Dear Facefriend.” Anyway, with Facebook comes facebook pictures, and with facebook pictures comes the overindulgent use of the Jersey-shore pucker. Now, I am not from anywhere or have even BEEN anywhere near Jersey shore, but I have decided this: it should stay in Jersey shore. I am in Utah, and most, if not all, of my friends are also from Utah and have no business doing the pucker–ESPECIALLY not in every photo contained in your Beloved Facebook albums. Do they hate their lips? Hungry for some face-sucking? Aliens bent on sucking out our brains leech-style?
My

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Attack of the hair rats.

Ever since I cut my hair to facilitate a more leisurely and hair-care-free lifestyle, I seem to have developed an automatic belligerence are prejudice against girls with long hair.   This may be due to how impractical it all seems now, especially if they obviously spend more than fifteen minutes working on it every morning when they could be using that time to sleep or eat–two doubly more important parts of life, especially college life.  However, this prejudice is tripled when they are of the “poofy hair” genre.  I am not talking about the poofy hair of the texans–this actually looks not-so-bad because they have the all-over body and curl and it’s just so… Iconic.  No, I am talking about the Utah poof.

This is the hair that symbolizes Utah–hair that looks pregnant.  Much like a large percentage of the women in Utah.  Hair that makes you wonder what they’re hiding up there (probably one of those newfangled godless contraptions called the bump-it).  [I actually just tried to watch the commercial for bump-its and almost died.  Seriously.]  Hair that may also resemble a waterfall, or perhaps some sort of brain tumor.  They may also looks like cat ears.  The varieties are endless, but they all have one thing in common–ratting and a straight iron.  Lots and lots of both.  Oh, and hairspray.  Lots of that as well.

Anyway, this really has very little to do with what I am actually feeling belligerent about, other than my roommate, who is also cousins with my other roommate, has employed this travesty as her everyday look, and it irritates me to the core.  BUT… What I am actually irritated with is that today, Sunday the 21, was her birthday.  We shall call her Heather because that’s what I call her anyway because I categorize her actual name and this name, Heather, under the same heading of “boring teeny-bopper names [who probably have poofy hair and have seriously considered buying a bump-it].”  The cousin-counterpart [let’s call her Nelly, after that mean, controlling girl from little house on the prairie] cleaned the kitchen this morning for a celebration they were to have this evening, which is I think is very nice–however, the moment she saw me this morning she immediately pounced on me, trumping my every thoughts of making any sort of mess in HER kitchen.  I was to keep the kitchen clean–in perfect condition–and if I were to make any mess, I was to have it all cleaned up by 7:45.  I kindly informed her that I could make no promises as I was to be making lasagna that night because lasagna makes me happy and cleaning obsessively does not (minus the last part).  But I would try.  She then went on to explain that she had “reserved” the kitchen like, forever ago, which got me wondering where the playplace and crappy arcade was, and whether our apartment was suddenly Chuck-E-Cheese’s.  I again stated that I was still going to be making lasagna and I could make no promises because I wasn’t sure when JD would be around to help, and after a bit more dialogue, she decisively stated “It WILL be clean by seven forty-five because I said so.” because apparently I’m five and she’s a big scary nine-year-old.

Again, I rephrased what I said before, that I would try, but it might be seven-fifty or seven-fifty five by the time I finish cleaning up, at which point she thankfully seemed to have given up.  And thus was my morning.  I’ve been angry all day since.  But my lasagna was delicious.  And I probably showed up in a good few of her birthday pictures, looming in the background like a dark cloud amongst her poofy-haired high-voiced friends and male friends who watch football, and like tackling each other and shooting things.  But there were a lot of them, and almost all of them brought gifts.  Seriously, how does one amass that many friends who are willing to buy them birthday presents?  So many anomalies…

UPDATE:  I just realized I have the same shirt as one of the girls in the instructions for bump-its… I question if I can continue to wear it without shame.

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Things that try… But not really.

This is a post about things that try… But only about halfway.

Such as my car.  Last Sunday, as I was rushing out the door to go to church, I stepped in my car, put in the key, and turned the ignition.  I enjoyed the sound of the revving engine for a few seconds, until I realized that it was going to continue revving and not actually turn over.  I found this very odd, since I had just filled it up with gas the day before.  So, I tried again.  And so did it–it tried really, really hard to start, but it just… couldn’t.  It was quite pitiful.  So, now I have a dead car in my driveway and no time to do anything about it.  Luckily, I have another music major friend with her morning classes at the same time, so she gives me a ride to school.  Then I’m stuck at the school for the rest of the day until I can convince JD to take me back to my house.

Another thing that tries hard, but not really?  My fingers.  I have recently been… Ah… asked… to play a piece titled after a swear word that rhymes with “Slam,” with the percussion ensemble.  I have not taken clarinet lessons in two years and seldom practice technique anymore because I am a VOICE major and clarinet is just a fun thing on the side in band.  I believe the only reason I was asked to do this is because I just so happen to be dating one of the percussionists, and the percussion teacher seemed to have decided we just don’t spend enough time together as it is.  Anyway, the piece is by a guy named John Mackey, a guy who seems to take great pleasure in creating some of the most bizarre fingering combinations at the most obscenely fast tempos that are absolutely impossible for someone with as little technical skill as myself.  Seriously, I feel like the IQ of my fingers (negative a million) is seeping into my brain when I attempt them.

I’d come up with a third thing, but my brain isn’t really in the mood to try very hard right now.

 

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Tech Savvy

So, I recently moved into an apartment-type-living space, which is more like just a house connected to another house on one side.  There was no internet set up yet, and I already had a contract leftover from my previous living space and a router, so I took it upon myself to get the internet set up.  The guys next door wanted to go in on the internet as well, which I figured was a lovely idea.  So, we got it set up and left it unlocked for the time being.

My father set up my internet so, when I lock it, only those whose MAC addresses are on the list can access the WiFi.  I informed the guys next door to give me their MAC addresses so I can lock the WiFi from unwanted intruders.  I left a note on their door and four days later recieved a list back from them.  The only problem?  It included one MAC address for and iPod, and two IP addresses.  In what world would they think that TWO different things are both the right thing?  Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, however, I told them on the note to LOOK IT UP because it is kind of confusing to find it using Windows–on a MAC, it takes approximately three steps.  I know, ’cause J.D. showed me.  I even told them EXACTLY what to google to find out how to find their MAC addresses.  So, I sent the note back, circled the correct MAC address with a note “THIS IS RIGHT” and “THIS IS WRONG” next to the IP addresses, and then told them, again, to look it up.

That was something like three weeks ago.  I still haven’t gotten a reply back.

So, this week, as I was trying to make my way through the internet, and taking occasional breaks from homework to watch some Hulu, I noticed that things were working a bit slowly.  So, I decided to lock the internet.  Then it started working much faster. 🙂

Perhaps this will give them some incentive to get me the right addresses.  Although, now they’ll have to go all the way to the school to find out how to find their MAC addresses.  Silly boys…

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