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Lips

As you may well know, I am an avid stalkbooker. If you do not know what that means, see the series of letters I wrote titled “Dear Facefriend.” Anyway, with Facebook comes facebook pictures, and with facebook pictures comes the overindulgent use of the Jersey-shore pucker. Now, I am not from anywhere or have even BEEN anywhere near Jersey shore, but I have decided this: it should stay in Jersey shore. I am in Utah, and most, if not all, of my friends are also from Utah and have no business doing the pucker–ESPECIALLY not in every photo contained in your Beloved Facebook albums. Do they hate their lips? Hungry for some face-sucking? Aliens bent on sucking out our brains leech-style?
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Dear Facefriend (12?)

Dearest Facebook friend,

I just wanted to let you know that I found your house on Google maps! I didn’t know you had a pool! Is that your parent’s car in the driveway? It might not have been, some of the satellite pictures are a little old, and they’ve only lived there a few years. Oh, and I found the Arby’s that you work at! And your old elementary school! That was a really small building, but I suppose in such a small area…

Speaking of which, I joined the group created for your elementary school, even though I didn’t go to your elementary school. I just wanted to see who you associated with in your formative years, and it’s fun to see you talking with some of your old pals again!

But hey, back to google maps — Did you know that you can do a street view, where it’s like you’re actually driving down the street? Yeah! It’s totally cool! They hadn’t driven down your street directly, but there’s one view where I can kind of see your house, I’m guessing.

But anyway, sorry I’ve lost touch a bit — I HAVE been a little put out by the fact that YOU haven’t logged on in a while.

Your BFF,

Amanda

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Dear Facefriend (are we up to 10?)

Dearest Facebook friend,

I feel so bad for having neglected you for so long on Facebook!  But at least I’ve been able to text you, although you have yet to reply to any of my messages.  I guess you’re still pretty busy.  And I’ll bet you’ve been pretty busy texting your… “friend.”

I saw that you did the “twenty-five things about me” thing.  I got tagged in one of those, but I didn’t want all of these personal facts splattered all over the internet.  I would be totally creeped out if somebody read it!

I was a little disappointed that you took some of your older pictures off of Facebook.  But I guess you’re just doing some cleaning up.  It’s okay, though, I have most of them saved on my computer anyway.

So you got a new job working at Arby’s?  That’s so exciting!  I was so excited when I found out that I went straight to the nearest Arby’s and got myself a sandwich!  I’m very happy for you.  It’s hard in this economy to find even the most menial job — I even tried applying at an Arby’s, but no no avail.  I guess we can’t work for the same company.

At least we have Facebook. 🙂

Love from your BFF,

Amanda

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Dear Facefriend 9

Dear Facebook Friend,

I felt your pain today, with the snow.  I too had to do a bit of digging.  I’m glad we could share that experience.

But, despite all of our bonding experiences and how much we know about each-other, I am led to wonder why I’m not on your top friends list?  This is very saddening to me…

One more thing, I tried to text you today — you know, with the number you put on your Facebook mobile?  I love that Facebook feature!  But anyway, I tried a few times, but you never texted back.  I guess you’re just busy.

🙂

Your BFF,

Amanda

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Dear Facefriend 8

Dear Facebook Friend,

I saw that you added “Marley and Me” to your list of favorite movies.  I saw it too!  It was so good!  You probably had redvines while you watched it, too, huh?  It’s on your “All About Me” as your favorite food.  But don’t you think you should pick something a little more nutritious?  You know that you have a family history of weight issues.

And by the way, you need to stop accepting Facebook gifts from… Well, you know who I’m talking about.

It would give them the wrong idea.

Love from your BFF,

Amanda

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Dear Facefriend 7 (this is getting a little out-of-control…)

Dear Facebook Friend of a friend,

I have noticed that you have recently begun dating one of my good Facebook friends.

I do not approve of this.

This is really for both of your well-being, but I would highly recommend ceasing this relationship.  Your Facebook compatability is really quite non-existent.  A mutual love for Harry Potter books is not something you can build a relationship on.

Sincerely,

Amanda

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Dear Facefriend (6)

Dear Facebook Friend,

I saw that you put up your daily class schedule — did you know that we have our lunch hour at the same time on Tuesdays?  It’s like we’re having lunch together!

But I suppose you eat your lunch with your “open relationship.”  Who, after a bit more reasearch, I have come to the conclusion that they are definitely not right for you.  Have you even checked out the music on their MySpace profile??

Love from your concerned BFF,

Amanda

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