A Terrifying Ordeal

When you think of the “scariest place on Earth,” what sorts of places come to mind?  Haunted houses?  A cornfield?  The top of a building?  The bug and spider house at the zoo?   How about your local Japanese Steakhouse?  You know, the ones where the cooks cook the food right in front of you?  I myself have come to the conclusion that the last is by far one of the most terrifying and demeaning places for just about anybody.

I recently went on an excursion with my family to the local Japanese steak house chain Tepanyaki.  This was my second time going, and the first time was nearly as terrifying, but it wasn’t near as frightening as this time.

We arrived and the cook seemed harmless enough, and we actually had the same waitress as the previous time we had gone.  He began with the customary fireball on the grill, and began cooking our rice and noodles, harmlessly setting our portions on our plates and doing the customary small spoonful of rice on one of our plates (which just so happened to be my grandmother, lucky person), followed by the customary group chuckle, and the customary “aww, just kidding” blah blah blah.  He then proceeded to throw rice at us, drop cooking utinsels, and throw rice bowls around, which was very stressful for me, as I highly doubt anyone’s ability to catch things, especially oddly-shaped things like rice bowls.  He then made the vegetables while making some smalltalk jokes about volcanoes and onions, and squirted us all with a rubber peeing boy — this was the beginning of the onslaught.

Our main courses went by harmlessly enough, but after he is complete with giving us our main courses, they always attempt the “throw shrimp into the unlucky patron’s mouth” trick.  My younger brother, 17, was smart and opted not to try, as he hates shrimp anyway.  My youngest brother was not so lucky, and failed both attempts at catching the shrimp in his mouth.  My father also declined, and my mother managed to “catch” one of two pieces.  My older brother had three tries, but to no avail, and then it was my turn.

I was rather excited — the shrimp is very good there.  So, I opened my mouth and had my hands around my mouth to catch it if it didn’t quite make it in.  I believe the first one hit somewhere around my cheek and bounced to the floor.  Oh well, I said, thinking it was over, as he was beginning to run low on shimp.

But alas, there was more to come.

He said, “one more time!”  So I obliged and opened my mouth again, and again, it hit my other cheek and bounced to the floor, but before I realized what had happened, he was trying again, and it hit my head, and before I could tell him to stop, he was winding up for another one, and all I could do was put my hands up and plead for mercy!  But still, they kept coming, hitting my head, my shoulder, getting in my hair, smudging my glasses, all the while my family was laughing riotously and they kept coming!

Eventually, though, I believe he stopped.  I don’t know how many peices of shrimp he threw, but he finished off by throwing the remaing pieces of shrimp at one of the cooks at another table, while I picked pieces of shrimp out of my hair and off of my clothes.

My mother said it was the funniest thing she’s ever seen.

And I’m looking forward to going again.  Kind of.

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Zedekblue said,

    That WAS the funniest thing I had ever seen!
    Well, one of the funniest.

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