Valentine’s Day Speshul … ART

In honor of Valentine’s Day this week and everything that is love-related, Jordan and I have created this work of art/monstrosity to more fully celebrate/commiserate this wonderful/horrible holiday. But, as this picture can be greatly misunderstood and often very confusing (as most great works of art are), I feel it needs some explaining, so, I have numbered key points of the picture and will describe them in depth.

Valentine’s Day Speshul

1 – The beginning of this monstrosity.  Jordan took it upon herself to draw a woman’s (it actually looks more like a young, pre-teen girl, which makes it even more disturbing) head on a rather fit man’s body, although, a very short, buff man.  It is wearing a mesh shirt in order to show off the large amount of chest hair this creature has accumulated.  Drawn by Jordan

2—In tandem, I created this next creature from my nightmares, a man’s head on a rather model-like woman’s body.  The head could be that of an army general, complete with a five-o’clock shadow from a long night of intensive training, a very short buzz cut, and eyebrows that more resemble the end of a cow’s tail.  The body,  in contrast, is that of a very slim, very posed woman.  It is clothed in the ugliest of swimsuits that many of you may have seen on TV.  Both Jordan and I agree that we will never understand how anybody could think it is a flattering look for any body type, but, to each their own, I guess.  The boots are, of course, very tall, and made of plastic.  I once saw boots like these in a shoe store – ridiculously tall and made of plastic/rubber.  I tried them on, but I was wearing jeans, so I was unable to put them on to their fullest height.  Drawn by me.

3 – In order for the girl-head-man-body thing to retain at least some portion of its dignity in relation to its counterpart, it is standing on a crate thing to get closer to matching the height of the model-man thing.  Drawn by Jordan.

4 – Small dog peeing.  Rather self-explanatory.  I was thinking about the many funny animal videos that Jordan, Lyndsey, and I had been watching the previous day.  Drawn by me.

5 – There is a video going around of this cat whose meows sound like it’s saying “old man Johnson” and a few other strange things.  This portion was inspired by that.  Drawn by Jordan.

6 – The moon in the shape of a heart surrounded by flowers.  Pretty easy to fathom, right?  Drawn by Jordan.

7 – Jordan is currently painting this picture of a man kissing a horse.  She cut both pictures out of separate magazines.  The man was originally kissing his wife, but she didn’t feel that was good enough.  This is the man and his horse away on their honeymoon on the beach.  What a happy couple… Drawn by Jordan.

8 – Big BIRD pondering about a BEE.  You figure it out. 😉  Drawn by me.

9 – Birds flying off into the sunset.  They just so happen to make a smiley face.  How quaint.  Drawn by Jordan

10 – A cheeseburger floating on the horizon.  VERY romantic.  Drawn by Jordan.

11 – The shoreline.  They’re on a beach. That’s the surf.  ‘Nuff said.

12 – A tribute to Star Wars, some people’s version of love.  At least, the ones who live in their mom’s basement, play World of Warcraft all day and have Star Wars/Trek parties.  Inside the saucer is that big blob guy from Star Wars being slain by an onboard Jedi.  Drawn by me.

13 – Here is an arachnid’s version of love.  Here, you see a black widow eating her lover after all the steps have been completed for reproduction and expanding the colony.  There under her living-space is her laptop – The two met on the web.  Ha ha!  Pun.  Drawn by me.

14 – Neil Armstrong on the moon looking buff.  “History Buff” is the title of this portion.  Ha ha.  Drawn by me.

15 – Spiderpig.  This really has no relevance to the theme, but Jordan felt like drawing it.  Drawn by Jordan.

16 – The Dolphins of Earth ascending into space from the ocean before Earth is destroyed by the Vogons to create an interplanetary bypass.  Their last message to the people of Earth is, “So long and thanks for all the fish.”  It’s an allusion to “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about.  Drawn by Jordan.

17 – And, last but not least, my and Jordan’s signatures.  Someday, this masterpiece will be worth millions.

(To see the full-size image w/out numbers, go to my flickr page

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