Archive for February, 2008

The Big Five-oh-oh!

It’s official.  I have at last reached 500 views.  I am fully aware that in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not a lot.  BUT… It means that someone OTHER THAN MY FAMILY has read portions of my blog, which makes me very happy.  SO… In honor of that, I will share with you the rough draft of my scholarship essay.  Although, I have since rewritten the entire thing, but I wanted to share with you this metaphor for life.  Or something.

I have had many dreams in my life.  Albeit, many of them have been during my unconscious hours and as irrelevant as Jack Skellington from “Nightmare Before Christmas” sucking out my life-force or searching frantically through an endless cricket stadium filled with Jack Dempsey look-alikes.  So, because my personal “dream” category is filled to the brim with things of the bizarre and fantastic, I will refrain from putting my desire to become a professional musician in this category.  But, as constant as the moments between dusk and dawn have been unfailingly bizarre, so has the presence of music in my life been as constant and unfailing.  Of course, this dawning of realization wasn’t as sudden as, say, death by guillotine, but rather more like finding the perfect pair of jeans – Although, I got lucky and seem to have found a pair that actually fits before the store closed.  But, I, like every single pair of jeans on the planet, need a little more altering to reach true excellence and freedom of movement (translation of the metaphor: musical freedom, meaning overcoming the things that are currently hindering me and causing me frustration – much like a too-tight pair of jeans.)  Of course, if I had already found a perfect pair, I wouldn’t need a tailor and wouldn’t be spending countless amounts of money getting help smoothing out the seams becoming fabulous.  (Metaphor ends here)  Frankly, I never felt happier in high school than when I was singing, and I’m sure there will be plenty who feel the same way when I reach the magical time that I can share what I’ve learned with others at the same point I am now.  In essence, I want to make the future hapless, apathetic, depressed, lonesome, and rejected young people feel… Well, in layman’s terms, happy, by being a part of something almost magical.  Of course, finding the  is in a category of magic of all its own.

 It veers WAY away from the actual topic at hand — the jeans thing kind of takes over.  But there it is.  And Mom, Dad, don’t worry.  I’ve re-written it. 

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The Almighty Bobby-pin

As I have gone through my life, I have come to realize the important role that a certain small object has come to play in my life.  This miraculous creation of man is called the BOBBY PIN.  You know what I’m talking about.  Many may be of the belief that it is only good to keep one’s hair in place, but I have come to realize what stupendous qualities and talents this little piece of matter is capable of.  So, in order to more fully educate the general population of the world, I have compiled a list of just a few of things I have learned the bobby pin is good for.

50 THINGS TO DO WITH A BOBBY-PIN

1-Chip bag clip

2-Paper clip

3-Page-turn Tab (for those peculiar page-turns in music that isn’t quite copied correctly)

4-Fish hook

5-Lock-pick (this is frequently seen in movies)

6-Drain-hair hook (invented by my older brother when we were forced to share a bathroom and he was sick of my hair clogging up the drain)

7-Creating a more fitted t-shirt out of a loose-fitting one

8-Diving practice (throw a bobby pin randomly in the water and dive to try to find it — I have used this with my brothers when they are learning to dive)

9-Thread-pin (wrap thread around it to store it for a later day)

10-Art projects (I haven’t used it myself, but I’m sure some beautiful peices of art could be created with bobby-pins and glue alone)

11-Weapon of small-scale destruction

12-As a short circuit (BEWARE — This will ruin the pin)

13-Spit rag weight (for clarinetists who are too cheap to buy and actual spit-rag made for the clarinet)

14-Finger extension for those broken buttons in electronics

15-Reset those gosh-darned little digital toys (you know, with those little inset buttons?)

16-Of course, to keep hair in place

17-A musical instrument (see http://www.ehhs.cmich.edu/~dhavlena/bobbypin.htm)

18-Unlocking handcuffs (see http://www.showmehowtodothis.com/tricks-and-magic/how-to-unlock-handcuffs-with-a-bobby-pin.html)

19-Christmas Tree ornament hook

20-Decorate them to make “cute” accesories

21-Replace a lost zipper thing (the part you pull)

22-Holding TV/computer/etc. cords together or in a certain place — Just slide the end under a baseboard or whatever.

23-Book mark

24-For use in magic tricks

25-Knitting

26-Cleaning under your fingernails

27-Stabbing through those gosh-darned “sealed for your protection” things under the lids of new peanut butter and such

28-Food sampling (used like a toothpick)

29-Getting “food particles” out from between braces on teeth (although not recommended, if the end is small enough, it’s not SO bad…)

30-Some kind of scene earring

31-An Emo tool of causing onesself pain

32-Small clamp to keep things together as the glue dries

34-Tool to push things into place that are meant to be glued together and you don’t want to get the glue on your fingers (like when you’re trying to glue a broken peice of a vase or ceramic figure together)

35-Science class demonstration about magnets

36-Making a stink bomb (http://www.textfiles.com/uploads/stinkbomb.txt)

37-Science experiment demonstrating how to improve the quality of metal with heat.

38-Making Tetrahedrons and stuff out of paper paints, tape, and glue

39-Cleaning out your ears

40-For use in finger-football (flick it into the “field goal”)

41-Stabbing bugs for future examination

42-Sharply creasing a peice of paper (usually so much so you can rip the paper on the crease)

43-Cherry pitter

44-Ammunition

45-Pinning sleeves up (particularly during gym class — This is a common practice amongst girls who feel the need to show off a little shoulder)

46-Clothespin (hanging laundry — I use this inside to keep socks hanging over a hanger or something)

47-Poking open an air-sealed plastic bag (like those Mrs. Fields cookies come in)

48-Cleaning up the edges of freshly-painted fingernails (for those of us with a less-than steady hand)

49-Prying things out of small crevases

50-Poking at dead things (like dead rat/bird/snake/hampster)

And thus we see justs a FEW examples of the uses for this miraculous invention.

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Fascinating Picture of the Week

Or Day.  Whatever.  I haven’t posted in a while, so here is a picture I hand-picked from my extensive collection of rather peculiar pictures.

USA according to Utahns

I found this on “Uncyclopedia.org” under “Utah.”  Frankly, I litterally laughed out loud when I saw it.  I’m sure some of you may get a kick out of it.

Maybe I’ll keep up with this for a while.  I do have a rather extensive collection, which is growing every day.  For those of you living outside of Utah, please be aware that not all of us think of it this way.  This is a very over-publicized stereotype.  But frankly, I think it’s hilarious.  And that patch of light blue really is irrelevant, no matter WHERE you live.

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Valentine’s Day Speshul … ART

In honor of Valentine’s Day this week and everything that is love-related, Jordan and I have created this work of art/monstrosity to more fully celebrate/commiserate this wonderful/horrible holiday. But, as this picture can be greatly misunderstood and often very confusing (as most great works of art are), I feel it needs some explaining, so, I have numbered key points of the picture and will describe them in depth.

Valentine’s Day Speshul

1 – The beginning of this monstrosity.  Jordan took it upon herself to draw a woman’s (it actually looks more like a young, pre-teen girl, which makes it even more disturbing) head on a rather fit man’s body, although, a very short, buff man.  It is wearing a mesh shirt in order to show off the large amount of chest hair this creature has accumulated.  Drawn by Jordan

2—In tandem, I created this next creature from my nightmares, a man’s head on a rather model-like woman’s body.  The head could be that of an army general, complete with a five-o’clock shadow from a long night of intensive training, a very short buzz cut, and eyebrows that more resemble the end of a cow’s tail.  The body,  in contrast, is that of a very slim, very posed woman.  It is clothed in the ugliest of swimsuits that many of you may have seen on TV.  Both Jordan and I agree that we will never understand how anybody could think it is a flattering look for any body type, but, to each their own, I guess.  The boots are, of course, very tall, and made of plastic.  I once saw boots like these in a shoe store – ridiculously tall and made of plastic/rubber.  I tried them on, but I was wearing jeans, so I was unable to put them on to their fullest height.  Drawn by me.

3 – In order for the girl-head-man-body thing to retain at least some portion of its dignity in relation to its counterpart, it is standing on a crate thing to get closer to matching the height of the model-man thing.  Drawn by Jordan.

4 – Small dog peeing.  Rather self-explanatory.  I was thinking about the many funny animal videos that Jordan, Lyndsey, and I had been watching the previous day.  Drawn by me.

5 – There is a video going around of this cat whose meows sound like it’s saying “old man Johnson” and a few other strange things.  This portion was inspired by that.  Drawn by Jordan.

6 – The moon in the shape of a heart surrounded by flowers.  Pretty easy to fathom, right?  Drawn by Jordan.

7 – Jordan is currently painting this picture of a man kissing a horse.  She cut both pictures out of separate magazines.  The man was originally kissing his wife, but she didn’t feel that was good enough.  This is the man and his horse away on their honeymoon on the beach.  What a happy couple… Drawn by Jordan.

8 – Big BIRD pondering about a BEE.  You figure it out. 😉  Drawn by me.

9 – Birds flying off into the sunset.  They just so happen to make a smiley face.  How quaint.  Drawn by Jordan

10 – A cheeseburger floating on the horizon.  VERY romantic.  Drawn by Jordan.

11 – The shoreline.  They’re on a beach. That’s the surf.  ‘Nuff said.

12 – A tribute to Star Wars, some people’s version of love.  At least, the ones who live in their mom’s basement, play World of Warcraft all day and have Star Wars/Trek parties.  Inside the saucer is that big blob guy from Star Wars being slain by an onboard Jedi.  Drawn by me.

13 – Here is an arachnid’s version of love.  Here, you see a black widow eating her lover after all the steps have been completed for reproduction and expanding the colony.  There under her living-space is her laptop – The two met on the web.  Ha ha!  Pun.  Drawn by me.

14 – Neil Armstrong on the moon looking buff.  “History Buff” is the title of this portion.  Ha ha.  Drawn by me.

15 – Spiderpig.  This really has no relevance to the theme, but Jordan felt like drawing it.  Drawn by Jordan.

16 – The Dolphins of Earth ascending into space from the ocean before Earth is destroyed by the Vogons to create an interplanetary bypass.  Their last message to the people of Earth is, “So long and thanks for all the fish.”  It’s an allusion to “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about.  Drawn by Jordan.

17 – And, last but not least, my and Jordan’s signatures.  Someday, this masterpiece will be worth millions.

(To see the full-size image w/out numbers, go to my flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/amandelia/2255766265/)

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Project Runway Wanabe

As of late, I have been quite taken with drawing dresses.  I question their buy-ability, but I’m rather fond of them.  There are actually quite a few of them, but these are the only two I have thus far been able to get my cheap scanner to scan, as it likes to give up halfway through a job and then requires me to restart the computer mulitple times before it works again.  A very silly piece of technology, but it serves its purpose… eventually. (Thanks Dad!  I still really like having it around, however unreasonable it is!  It’s kind of like the boys!)

And yes, I am aware that it is on lined paper.  It’s all I have with me during my “duller” events.

Flower Dress

 was going to do it black with the flowers, but then I decided that it just looked really nice and soft with just the white.  The fabric wrapping around would be some kind of sheer material, as would the rest of the dress with a slip-thing underneath,  The sleeves would be the same sheer fabric folded over and over to create the cap sleeve.

Wrapping Dress

This one, I couldn’t decide on what color to do it, so I just left it blank.  First, I was thinking red, then Jordan said it would be really pretty just white, beige, or champaign, then Lyndsey said maybe baby blue, so — for now, it’s blank.  Maybe I’ll take it to MS paint and try a few things out, see what tickles my fancy.  And I realized a little too late that I put her big toe on the wrong side.  She has two left feet!  Ha ha…

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The Great Equalizer

It gets pretty cold in Utah.  That’s a known fact.  People in Utah (and the rest of the world) are also very different from each other.  That’s also a known fact.  What do these have in common, you ask?

 Well, I have come to realize that EVERYBODY feels cold.  Well.  Not all the time.  But everybody can appriciate cold (or hot) to some degree or another.

Have you ever been asked, on a cold wintry day, when you’re inside and not really all that cold, “how are you?” and automatically replied, “cold” simply because it’s cold outside?  And then they, of course, reply in tandem, “me too!”  Yes?  I’m sure countless others have done it as well.  Men, women, children, black people, white people, Indian people, people who like pistachios, people who wear black, girls with pink hair, guys with blue hair, poor people, rich people, people who live out of a boat… It’s just good to know that we all have that in common, the ability to feel cold and acknowledge that fact.

It just makes the world a little smaller, doesn’t it?

Or not.  Whatever.

But it’s cold down here.

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