I am America’s Next Top Model!!

I watch a ridiculous amount of television. So much that I have realized how often MTV does America’s Next Top Model marathons.  It’s ludicrous how much it sucks me in — I just can’t seem to peel myself away from the television set when it’s on.  It may be because the photographic art is something I find absolutely fascinating.  It may be that I enjoy watching the over-blown drama between all those estrogen-filled girls in one small house play out.  It may be because I find Tyra Banks or “Miss” Jay absolutely hilarious.  Or maybe it’s because I secretly want to be like those high-rolling almost-famous ultra-gorgeous girls on that show.

 Personally, I think it’s the last reason.

So, I took it upon myself to see if I really had what it takes to be AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.  Of course, I downsized it a bit — I took all the pictures of myself by myself, wore a lot shorter heels, and my “catwalk” ended up being the hallway in my small dormroom+kitchen.

So, here are the three criteria I judged myself on: Pictures, “the walk,” and personality.

Criteria 1: Pictures

Frankly, I feel that I failed miserably in this area.  Possibly because I do NOT have the body of a model, nor do I have any freaky facial features like a “five-head” (large forehead), eyes that are too far apart, strangely poofy lips, cheekbones that could gut a fish, an almost manly jawline, perfect skin, or a uniquely shaped nose.  And the braces kind of ruin the whole “fierce” effect and turn it into a more… “In the process” look.  Also, I am incapable of taking a serious picture — I feel slightly vain when I try it.  And I feel I look even more ridiculous when I don’t have my face in some kind of contorted position.

On the plus side, I think I could look pretty fierce if I put on a huge amount of dark makeup and rat & hairspray my hair to the point where I look almost like a white black person, I could look “fierce” enough to make it.  But sadly, I am running out of hairspray, and I don’t own enough makeup for the “undead model” look.

Grade: B+

 Criteria 2: “The Walk”

I’ve never been proud of how I walk.  In fact, I feel rather ungainly when I walk. My brother’s walk has been characterized to be kind of like a walking gorilla of sorts.  So, as I am related to him, we have slightly similar walks.  BUT — I was pleasantly surprised when I attempted the “model wind-in-the-hair” walk that I actually WAS getting a pretty good breeze.  Although, when I put on some heels (only three inches for fear that I may break my ankle attempting this dangerous activity), the quality and speed of my walk decreased dramatically.  Buy hey — with a little practice, I’m sure I can be a walking typhoon.

Grade: B+

Criteria 3: Personality

I’m awesome.

’nuff said.

Grade: A++++++

Okay, seriously.  I’m sure I’d come off as rather… misunderstandable?  I doubt I’d make many friends of the girls, because, well, I’m addicted to being aloof.  But, no matter.  I wouldn’t be there to make friends, would I?  I’m there to be AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL!!

 …

I need to stop watching so much TV.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Benson said,

    At least you HAVE good TV… all we have is “Plug in your tv, set up some crappy antenna and see whats on” TV. While you’re lounging with Dish! at least we have a bigger house. =D

  2. 2

    amandelia said,

    It’s not dish — It’s only basic cable. But still more channels than you!! Ha ha…


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